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daily loves my sanity calendar what you think you want to know behind behind forward never straight forward never straight
Chaque fois que tu t'en vas
Je prétends que tu fais bien
roadnottaken
"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence"

H.L.Mencken

i feel : blank blank

touch my skin
roadnottaken
... so begins the healing process ...

i feel : crushed crushed

4 scars or touch my skin
roadnottaken
We're moving. Into a bigger apartment right up the road with same realty company. It's gonna be a good move. We need the space. Joy needs an office to work more. It's more money but nothing that we can't handle.

Some WACK shit has been goin on with my dad and I've had it up to here *holds hand way the fuck over my head*. It's pretty sad when you don't believe a goddamn thing your own father says to you.

PNC hold time is like asssss long. I mean really what do they have like 10 people workin in their call centers?

So, I guess I'll update in the new place. Sometime.
touch my skin
roadnottaken
Last night on the way home from work someone hit my car. Now my back side passenger door is dented completely in. Not my fault. That's besides the point, I suppose. Now I just have to deal with getting it fixed. Talking with insurance companies. Leaving my car for someone to come and look at. It just sucks.

I think I'm over a lot of things in my life. I'm just waiting for them to happen. I'm in the phase of my life where I think that everything is going to happen eventually so I'm just gonna be a sitting duck and wait for them to happen. Not do anything to stop them. Why should I? I know that they will just happen.

I feel like I'm so much older than twenty-four. Yet, at the same time I can't believe that I am actually twenty-four.

i feel : blah blah

touch my skin
roadnottaken
Who's allergic to neckbone meat?? That was joys sisters response to what people are allergic to. Neckbone meat. Again, who's allergic to necbone meat!?

It was a good night after a fucked up day. Takin care of my dad is gettin harder and harder. Everyday I talk to him I want to give up. Then the guilt sets in and I realize that no one else is there to take care of him. If I left it up to anyone else he wouldn't have anything. I always hope that he'll stop because after all I am his daughter. He should treat the situation better than the last. I'm not the only one involved anymore. Joy's involved now. She actually fought with him yesterday because she felt helpless. He took advantage of me not being there. I felt horrible. I said some fucked up things to him that I needed to be said but knew that they would go in one of his ears and out the other. I feel bad for trying to better my life. I don't regret moving here because of what I have now but I know that I would if I didn't have Joy. I know that I would have thrown the towel in like months ago if it wasn't for her.

She's taking up appraising more now for the money. I hope she doesn't hate it and regret it. I just hope she's happy.

So, training for the bank is going alright. I've made some cliques per se. Funny thing. Katies ex nicole who I couldnt stand at one point is in my training class. Her and I will be working together. Small fucked up world I guess.


"These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late"

I want eminems new cd that comes out on tuesday but my car cd player is broken. I hate it.

i feel : stressed stressed

touch my skin
roadnottaken
Sucks that it's a lil after one and I'm still awake. Can't sleep. A lot of things on my mind I suppose. Tons of things to deal with I guess. My mom and I still aren't talking. Just the ususal phone call to let me know she hates me. Taking care of my dad is getting harder and harder as the days pass. Somehow, the goverment that gives my father money to live on also now has the right to limit how much he can and can't have. So much for taking away a mans freedom more than once. I feel bad. I get angry. I yell. I hurt. I let it go until the next round. My birthday is around the corner and I don't care much.

Something happened this past week that felt like my life had a purpose just to be taken away. Just to be crumbled up in our bed sobbing, aching, and yearning. Yearning for an answer, an escape .. route. It's for the best or so everyone says. we aren't giving up. We can't give up. It's what we both truly want. She's not a crier. So, when she cries I honestly know she's hurting just as much as I am.

As the days turn into nights I realize more and more how much I truly love her. How much I honestly see myself spending every waking moment of my life with her. There isn't another single person in this world that I want to wake up next to, fall asleep with, make love to, argue, hang up on, be a bitch with, or watch lost with. She's my soulmate. Funny to think so considering we were together when I was considerably younger. She is though. My soulmate. The one I feel as though I am meant to be with. I would do anything for her. I mean anything. Anything she ever asked me to do I would do in a heartbeat.

Our kittens are WIDE awkake. Vampire Kittens! HA!

i feel : awake awake

touch my skin
roadnottaken
Long overdue update. I never have time for myself. I work all the time and when I'm not working I'm either runnin around with my dad, sleepin, or spendin time with my girl. It's hard to find time to enjoy everyday things when on your days off you just wanna relax and chill. I'm so lucky that she's patient with me. I'm lucky in general. People have disowned me along the way. My fault, completely. I am happy now. Happier thant I've been in a while. My job sucks because the people suck. Money is alright or we wouldn't be able to have this wonderful apartment that we have, together. It's a good thing to come home and know that everything in it is yours and that you have a wonderful girl waiting home for you. I miss everyone. I really do. I guess things just happen as they happen and you learn to just go with it. Tomorrow brings another ten hour work day so I'm gonna go watch a movie and chill out on our couch.

picture of a beautiful picture

more if you have timeCollapse )

i feel : content content
what's in my ears: silence

13 scars or touch my skin
roadnottaken
my face is breaking out. on a daily/nightly basis. every mornin i wake up there is another line of "connect the dots" strewn across my face. i'm not sure what exactly causes it. i clean my face. i use acne medication. perhaps it's stress. perhaps it's drama. perhaps it's life and this is just how my face was meant to be. i'm hoping that going to a dermatologist will cure all that. dermatologists can cure genetics, right?

i just got medical insurance from work so i'm goin to the dentist as well as gettin a new pair of glasses/contacts. medical insurance is a good thing. although my job is not.

i saw you today. your height. your facial tones. your hair beneath a baseball cap. a slight smile came across my face with the thought of seeing you. then my stomach got sick with the thought of seeing you. turned out it wasnt you. musta been my mind playin tricks. wishin. hopin things. im listening to almost happy. do you know who you are?

you saw me in the mall the other day, i suppose. i apologize for not seeing you i tend to ignore things i don't want to deal with. i wonder why it was you didn't approach me.

i work all the time. seriously. ten hours a day is straining on a girl. on a girls life. specially since i'm just survivin.

hrm. i wonder what my mom got me and joy for a housewarming gift.

i love my girlfriend.

i feel : moody moody
what's in my ears: keith urban ~ my better half

1 scars or touch my skin
roadnottaken
two days .. friday .. we will have our own apartment .. we will be officially living together .. something i've never done with anyone .. something i've never thought of doing with anyone .. something i've never wanted to do with anyone ..

i work long days .. i work all the time ..

i feel as though i'm gonna explode with tears .. but they can't seem to make their way to my eyes .. my soul hurts .. my heart hurts .. you're so thin .. we don't talk anymore .. my own fucking fault i suppose .. things are crumbling around me all the while picking themselves up .. i'm stressed to the max .. i'm at my wits end of annoyance .. i feel as though i'll never catch up with my own life .. i feel as though my life is moving so far ahead of me and i'm too out of shape to catch up with it .. i want to puke .. i want to run .. it's fine i suppose ..

i'm happy 99.9 percent of the time .. i swear .. it just certain times .. guess i'll stay away from livejournal for a while ..

kit, i'm sorry.

i feel : drained drained

3 scars or touch my skin
roadnottaken
We've been together for a while now
We're growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there's no doubt
I will stay with you as each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
All my love you can rely
And I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
They had a tendency to grow cold
We have something like miracle
Yeah, I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will
But through it all, we will remain
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, they may go
Through the years I know
I will stay
And in the end I know that we'll find
Love so beautiful and divine
We'll be lovers for the lifetime, yeah
And I'll stay with you
I will stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you
Everything will be fine
And I will stay with you
Through the end of time
I will stay with you
touch my skin